Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
