who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
