i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
