I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
