you're like a bully in the Christmas story
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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