I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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