I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
