highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
