I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
