Jerry, you need to find god
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
