how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We got so high we made milksteak
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
