So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
