i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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