exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
