Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
