I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
