You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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