So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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