Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
