I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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