I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
