Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
