i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
