i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
porn star boner night. come get it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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