What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
