Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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