made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize