One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
