i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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