ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
