Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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