the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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