How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
