So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
