So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
