Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
