the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
