your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
