The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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