R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
