Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
