so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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