even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
