I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
