i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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