He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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