I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He passed out mid-signature
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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