I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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