like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
