I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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