too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
