You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
