Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
