it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
