So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
