Please, let me fuck your mom
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
